Di Bassinga Diaries: On Fitting In

Most people don't just "fit in." It's not how we were designed as humans. (I believe that the only relationship we were made to fit perfectly in is the one with our Creator, but that's a topic for another time). It's a well known fact that humans are social creatures. From the moment we're born, we're being cared for by others--because if we weren't, we'd go extinct fairly quickly, it's in our design; this is a fact that I think most of us can grasp and agree with. There's an issue that many of us struggle with, though; and in my experience, it often goes unspoken and understood: none of us fits in perfectly with anyone else. This could be family that we're born into, or family we're adopted into. It's just as much an issue in acquaintanceship and friendship as it is in romantic relationships. I'm gonna dig into this seemingly obvious, but often forgotten and under-explored truth: it takes time to fit in.

This is actually something I was reminded of recently after a conversation with some friends. Fitting in is never as easy as placing the final piece down in a puzzle; it's a constant dance of readjustments, communication, and sacrificing to make things fit. For example: the relationships with our immediate family (good or bad) were being built the moment we were brought into this world. I remember going to the hospital to meet my youngest brother, Brandon (I like to call him "Brando"); It was a cold winter day, and the only reason I remember the day is because that was the day that I was pushed down the stairs but an individual who will remain unnamed (he knows who he is). I remember holding baby Brando, changing his diapers, the first time he danced, teaching him to play basketball, and the funny manner in which he crawled; this is stuff that he might not even remember when he's grown up, but I will always have these little connections in my mind about him. I've got memories like these with my brothers and a lot of my cousins, and though we never really think about it, a big reason we're all so close is simply because we'd spent more time with each other than with most other people growing up.

So what does that have to do with you fitting in today? Well, I believe that the application of this thought has two layers: it takes time to fit in--I mentioned this before--but more than that, it takes intentional, quality time to really make a friend out of somebody--that's the key. It was a profoundly simple thought that sparked this essay: if you want to get to know someone, then you have to make the appropriate effort and sacrifices to do so. This is just as much for me as much as for you who are reading this; there are a lot of people who I've seen around and desired to get to know that I simply never have because I've yet to just go and say hi. Maybe there's someone you've already made acquaintance with that you'd like to get to know better; initiating that relationship is really as simple as reaching out to that person and inviting them, in whatever way you desire, to get closer. It takes time, communication, and some courage to build, strengthen, and maintain a relationship with a friend, a family member, or anyone else, if that's what you desire. But I find that good friendship is always worth the effort; each of us needs good people around us.

---

Bonus reminder: there's a God who's also looking to get closer to you; He's inviting you to come closer--through prayer, reading Scripture, and relationship with others who know Him. If a better relationship with God is something you seek, then all that same advice applies; you've got to make time for it. I promise you can find some, and it's absolutely worth the effort.

Verses to Look Back On:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

John 15:1-17

1 Corinthians 12:14-20

Hebrews 10:24-25