Be Blessed: Anger

“'You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Come to terms quickly with your accuser while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison. Truly, I say to you, you will never get out until you have paid the last penny.'” ‭‭(Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭21‬-‭26‬)

We live in a culture that has normalized "the grudge." We cling so tightly to our offenses as though letting them go is a sign of weakness or of a lack of worth. We feel that our anger must be felt by those around, or at least acknowledged as an excuse to act out a bit. It'd feel good to release the energy after all, right? The thing about Jesus and His new order, this life that we're called to live, is that these emotions are usually best resolved in a counterintuitive manner, if we let it happen. Christ says a grudge is just as punishable as murder. But that leaves us feeling like there's unresolved injustice on the table. So what do we do?

This has come just after a moment on Jesus talking about fulfilling the Law. Jesus' words are meant to humble us. He says, "Unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven." His call is for us to act in a manner upholding the whole Law—to love God and to love our neighbors. So the question we have to ask ourselves about our anger is this: How can I love my God and my neighbor (or brother or friend or family member, etc.) while holding a grudge, while I'm angry at them? In a moment of anger, the answer to this question is likely the last thing you want to hear: I can't.

Anger, the Enemy of Harmony

"Then Peter came up and said to him, 'Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.'" (Matthew 18:21-22)

Anger is inherently selfish and disruptive. It's a response to the feeling that you've been treated unjustly. Even when it's the case that your anger is technically justified, that you've genuinely been wronged, it might do you well to ask yourself what good acting that anger out or holding it in does to anyone. I've been angry before, surely you have too. It was almost like a hobby of mine growing up with a younger brother. There was no shortage of pokes and pulls, disagreements, contradicting preferences, opportunities to get angry and express anger.

The thing about anger, though, is that it's never satisfied. When it takes root in a person, there's no amount of acting out that will get it out of the system. Even if it's a "quiet" grudge, it will show up in the little things to rob your peace, begging for the opportunity to act out. It's the discomfort when the other person walks into the room. It's snarky, back-handed comments and a constant "devil's advocate" or victim mentality (clinging to the fact that this person is evil at their core regardless of context). Without realizing it, hanging on to anger ( just as bad as acting out on it) breaks a person down from the inside, bit by bit. It pulls us away from love and into apathy and hatred. It turns you into a man or woman of the flesh, rather than of the Spirit (Galatians 5:16-25), as long as it holds a place in you. Anger is like a gateway drug to compromise.

That interaction between Peter and Jesus comes sandwiched between two teachings about anger and forgiveness. Jesus just laid out a process for conflict resolution (Matthew 18:15-20)—this is where the famous "where two or more are gathered" verse comes from, it's speaking on God's presence in a moment headed for harmony. After hearing the teaching, I imagine that Peter's thinking to himself something like, Surely no one can go on like this forever. But Jesus, who is bent on the Church being a community of peace, unity, and reconciliation (not too different from the Trinity)—the point of His death and resurrection—essentially tells Peter, as long as you're mine you will strive for harmony. (A quick Google search on "harmony in the Bible" will back this up). One simply can't hold on to anger and to the Spirit, they're opposed.

Forgiveness is Freedom

"Now I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkended in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart...But that is not the way you learned Christ!" (Ephesians 4:17-20)

The Gospel of Jesus Christ is the Gospel of Forgiveness. He's the Good News, that we who were in debt to God because of sin (Romans 6:23) are no longer in debt—this is the definition of forgiveness: that a debt no longer be held against a person. This forgiveness gives us the platform to walk in a completely new way. Because of the forgiveness that Jesus bought with His life, we no longer have to walk on eggshells, worried that we might not be enough. We don't have to hang on to the identity of "sinner." Because of forgiveness, we have the freedom to walk out as children of God. And as Christ's sacrifice brings mercy and freedom to us, so too does being merciful and forgiving others.

This might be difficult to wrap a mind around, Christ's way is a "backward" way after all. It may truly feel as though satisfaction won't come until the injustice is corrected, but in the grande scheme of things the great Offense has been forgiven. We've been granted a freedom that we don't deserve. In essence, any grudge that you hold on to is an ask to return to a life where justice is dealt fairly—and that wouldn't end well for you. If you deserve to deal out punishment, how much more does the God of the Universe? You're asking for a dangerous thing.

Of course this is difficult to see when we're bent on anger; our relationship to it is truly that of slave to a master. But this is the importance of humilty. This might not feel good, but the truth is we deserve so much worse than we've gotten—and that's true regardless of what the circumstances are. "There is no distiction: for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:22b-23). In that truth, a perfect and holy God, in love, decided to buy your freedom. The least you can do is admit that you're imperfect, and that everyone else is too. Release yourself from judgement and surrender to the freedom that Christ bought you.

If Then You've Been Forgiven...

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on the things that are above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden in Christ." (Colossians 3:1-3)

From there, the decision is about whether or not you're serious about living the life that Jesus taught. If you decide that you are serious, then you'd better make forgiveness a habit. Choose love, choose joy, choose peace. Anything short of a heart bent toward forgiveness is a heart that doesn't understand the grave nature of what Jesus did on that cross; it's to say that you hold the keys to justice, that you are judge and executioner, that you are without sin and therefore the ultimate decider of right and wrong. That might be a bit dramatic, but it's the truth we accept when we give our lives to Jesus—it's the claim an angry brother is liable to judgement.

If you wish to live the Good Life, you ought to remember that it's Christ who gives you the chance and that you're better off giving others the same courtesy. This isn't to say that you become a pushover, Jesus knew when to put His foot down (Matthew 21:12-17); it's instead a reminder of the bigger picture. Jesus lays out a roadmap for what to do when you're wronged in Matthew 18:15-20. It may be the case that you have to lose a friend in the process; but let that be the result of a hardened heart and pray for them anyway. But, if there's an ounce of remorse, it's up to us to forgive to walk toward harmony.

So, breathe. Open your hands up. Drop your shoulders. Take a walk. Cry if you need to. But remember who you belong to. God will handle justice, Himself, don't pick that burden back up. Be angry if you must, it's healthy to feel, but do not sin; once you've felt it, give it to God and choose to love. Let go of the grudge.

Be blessed.

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Verses to Look Back On:

Matthew 18:15-35

Romans 12:9-21

Ephesians 4:1-5:21